How To Have A 'Happier' Holidays

I’ve never been one to conform. 

Unwritten rules that you have to follow… 

Expected obligations…

These are the reasons why I struggle at this time of year.

Because the holidays are filled with expectations. 

Unwritten rules of how you “should” spend your time. 

Obligations to visit, travel, and socialise so people don’t get upset. 

It’s a lot for anyone. 

So, I wanted to share my thoughts with you — because I’m no exception. 

I find myself facing a tonne of challenges every holiday season. 

Emotionally, the holidays drain me… 

As an introvert, it can take me days to recover from a social event, no matter how happy I am to see my friends and family in the moment. 

Logistically, it’s hard to get places… 

We live 7000 km away from our families in Australia and it’s a big undertaking to get back home. 

Mentally, I know the holidays are a key time for me and my partner, Gabi…

Because it’s the only time during the year that we don’t have pressing responsibilities from our business.

So we can finally take time to recharge and reset for the new year.  

But last year…  

We didn’t.

We visited anyone and everyone because that’s what we were “supposed” to do…

And when we got back to work, we were even more drained than before.

So, to avoid a repeat of last year’s holidays…

We’re doing things differently. 

We’re setting boundaries that balance what we want, with what everyone else wants. 

We’re reinventing the Status Quo around holiday obligations so that everybody “wins.” 

The Holiday Status Quo

Go visit your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and second cousins.

(Yes, all of them.)

Buy presents, chocolate, and cards for your friends, family, and acquaintances. 

(Yes, all of them.) 

Attend every event you’re invited to, including work parties, family dinners, and gift exchanges.

(Yes, all of them.) 

It sounds like a lot for any one person to do. 

Because it is. 

And the problem isn’t so much the busy-ness…

It’s that you’re obligated to be that busy. 

You’re expected to do all of the holiday things. 

You feel like you have no choice. 

Going along with the holiday Status Quo…

Falling into that trap of celebratory obligation… 

It’s a one-way ticket to internal conflict. 

To feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.

To feel like the holidays have to be an either-or, or a “them” versus “you.” 

And I used to feel trapped between getting the rest I knew I needed, and making time to see the people I care about. 

Until I implemented my, “You Do You” philosophy. 

That’s when my holidays changed…

For the better. 

“You Do You” Philosophy

Before we get into it, I wanted to share where the philosophy came from. 

A few years ago when I moved overseas, it was the best decision I made for my personal development and my business…

But it was (unsurprisingly) hard on my family. 

Everyone had different reactions to the news.

Happy…

Sad… 

Worried…

Until everyone came to the conclusion that, “You’ll be home for Christmas, and you can see everyone then!” 

So, Gabi and I took our only time off…

And went to Australia last Christmas. 

For two weeks, it felt like we did nothing but run around. 

We spent most of our time driving from one side of the state to the other…

Feeling the need to fulfil obligations that we weren’t always keen on attending. 

Of course, it was awesome to see everyone…

But we were also fucking exhausted. 

We assumed that our holiday would be recharging — giving us the energy we need to kick off a new year…

But in reality, we started the new year more burnt out than ever. 

That’s when I knew I had to do something. 

We couldn’t do this every single Christmas…

And if we wanted our time off to actually be restful…

Something had to change. 

And so, the “You Do You” philosophy was born. 

How It Works

The “You Do You” holiday philosophy is simple:

You make your holiday decisions based on your personal values and desires.

How do you want to spend your own time? 

Not, what you “should do” or what other people “expect.” 

So, how do you do that?

You set boundaries.

Prioritise your mental well-being and personal happiness first. 

Start to say “no.”

Start saying “I love you, but I need time to recharge myself this year”

Now you probably have two big questions…

The first being, “Won’t my family get upset?”

Yeah, they might. 

At first, anyway. 

But that’s not surprising. 

If you’ve never put a boundary in place with your family or friends before…

They’ll probably push back. 

Unintentionally testing the boundary…

Seeing how serious you are about it. 

And they may become upset when they realise you’re 100% serious… 

Because that means something has to change for them. 

So it’s crucial that you explain and drive home your reasoning. 

Explain to your loved ones why it’s important to you… 

Explain how it’ll help you… 

Try to get them to see it from your perspective. 

Sometimes they’ll “get it” right away.

And sometimes they’ll need a few gentle reminders.

Either response is fine …

Because boundaries take time to be accepted.

But once you set your new boundary, stay strong with what you need. 

You need to enforce the boundary you set in light of the life you want…

Because, at the end of the day, boundaries are good.

They’re good for you. 

They’re great for your relationships. 

And they’re essential for getting you closer to the future you want. 

Be Self-full not Selfish

Now, the second question is probably something like: 

“Isn’t saying ‘no’ and setting boundaries during the holidays selfish?”

And I’ll ask you a question in response. 

Have you ever been on a plane?

Remember when the flight attendant gives the safety instructions about masks…

They say to put your own mask on, first. 

Then, once you have your own oxygen sorted, you can help others. 

Is that selfish? 

No. 

I like to think it’s self-full. 

Being self-full means being aware of your needs…

Confidently setting boundaries to protect and fulfil your needs… 

And, as a result, you get to live your best life.

The simple truth behind the, “You Do You” philosophy is that, you can’t help others if you're not helping yourself first. 

Set boundaries with the people you need to set them with. 

Remind them how much you love them when you bring it up. 

And give them time and grace to adjust. 

That’s exactly what I did with my family this year.

I let them know that I wouldn’t be coming home for the holidays. 

I emphasised how important this time off is for me (and for Gabi)...

I explained my wants — and needs — to recharge and rest…

And, I reiterated how important this quiet, reflective time is for me. 

Sure, they were upset…

But they understood our decision.

They respected our boundaries. 

And we decided the next time we’d spend together.

I can tell you nobody is upset about that.

Put Your Needs First 

So, you’re going to take a crack at boundary setting this holiday season?

Good on you. 

Putting your needs first is hard…

Nobody is going to do it for you. 

You have to do it for yourself!

But I figured I’d help out by giving you my top 3 tips.

Tip # 1: Skip Certain Events

Social events can be draining. Instead propose an alternative, quiet setting. “I can’t go to your dinner on that day. Why don’t we go for a walk on this day, instead?”

Tip # 2: Know What Your Time is Worth 

Make a list of all the holiday celebrations you’re invited to, pick out the ones that give you the most joy, and only attend those ones. 

Tip # 3: Don’t Play the Gift Game

If gift giving isn’t in your budget this year, propose a Secret Santa instead of buying a million presents for everyone. 

You have to constantly remind yourself that the holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, rest, and relaxation. 

When you think about your upcoming holiday plans and they don’t include any of those things…

It might be time for some boundaries. 

And if you’re hesitant to get started, or feeling the pressure of the Status Quo…

Just tell yourself: 

I’m allowed to prioritise my well-being during the holidays. 

I’m allowed to prioritise my personal happiness during the holidays. 

I’m allowed to “do me” during the holidays (and the rest of the year, too.)

And once you start believing that…

The holidays get a whole lot easier. 

Stay awesome, stay powerful. 

P.S: How will you embrace the “You Do You” philosophy this year? Hit reply and let me know!

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